A ghost (for my grandma)

A ghost

I look for you everywhere,
How can you not see?
I am not scared at all.
Just be here for me!

I search in the dark,
And in the shadows too.
I am not scared at all,
I just need to see you.

I examine the shadows
And hope you I will find.
I am not scared at all,
It will rest my mind.

I trust in our God,
And that happy you’ll be.
But I’m not scared at all
Please say goodbye to me!

The pain of your loss
Eats me up inside.
I am not scared at all
There is no need to hide.

But if on the other side,
You are as happy as can be.
I’ll try to not be scared anymore,
And you shouldn’t worry about me.

Life and death (for my grandma)

You laugh and you cry
Because life is tough.
‘Till one day your body says
Enough is enough!

So many lives broken,
With that one final breath.
You leave them to deal
With your untimely death.

And if you are happy,
They are happy too.
Because you deserved to be
And that’s what they wanted for you.

But your children are crying
And their children are scared
Because when you left them,
They were too unprepared.

Unprepared for the pain,
And for their emptiness.
For without you their lives
Feel like such a mess.

They don’t blame you
But they miss you too much
And they long for your wisdom
And your loving touch.

They even long for an argument
Or for some advice
Even if what you said
Might not have sounded nice.

They long for a cup of tea
Or some comforting food
Which you would prepare
When they were in a mood.

And I long for anything,
Even just a look,
For the day that you left
My heart with you, you took.

Grief (for my grandpa)

I wake up sometimes and it seems like a normal day,
Then I remember something you used to do,
Or something you always used to say
And I stop for a moment just thinking of you.
And at that moment I swear I don’t know if to laugh or cry,
I don’t know why I do this, why its so hard to understand
I know how life goes, that we live and then we die
You were a special person who took me by the hand.
You taught me and guided me, you always did
You nourished both my tummy and my mind,
You know this you definitely perfected
You could make me laugh and leave my troubles behind.
And then you left, though it was not your choice
And it hurts so much that I can’t hear your voice.
And it’s a pain I share with so many people you knew
And it’s tough and I sometimes I don’t know how to push through.
And life changes and can never be like it was before
And it doesn’t get better we just miss you more.
And I need to get over it, I need to try to feel good.
But I really don’t know if I can, if I should.
But I know you’d want me to, I know that you would.
But I really don’t know if I ever could.
But I’ll try and I’ll smile, I’ll be happy and smile,
But only cause I know I’ll see you again, though it might be a while.

Meeting a genius

As I caught the bus yesterday I could not help but notice how multi-sensory the experience was. It almost made me laugh as I thought about it on the way back home. The feel of the different textured seat, the multitude of smells, the noise. As I caught my first bus I could not help notice that one man came up with an unbearable smell which filled the entire vehicle. Besides being completely disgusted I could not help wondering about his life. What led him to that situation that day. I studied his clothes, which made me think he must have just come back from work, I studied his posture – he did not seem in any way debilitated, he did speak quite loudly even to himself at times but he did not seem like there was any reason why he should be lacking basic hygiene. I understand coming back from work one might not smell of roses and daisies but this smell was unlike anything I had ever smelt. In fact, just as I was about to go down as I could not take being in this putrid hotbox any longer, a dispatcher came up and opened the windows. I have never been so relieved to see a dispatcher. I almost felt bad about the person and my thoughts kept going back to him, wondering whether he had nobody to tell him that he needed to shower, whether he was feeling depressed and did not care… A couple of people got on, I heard their conversations. One was angry that her husband had not taken her to hospital that day and the other was complaining that her husband would never take her as he never does anything but sleep and eat. A young woman looking puzzled, was wondering loudly with her friend which bus they needed to catch to go to Tarxien, and when the other did not know, I decided to reply and smiled. They looked at me like I was insane. I felt like I was eavesdropping, it felt wrong, but truly, at what point does a conversation stop being private? What volume level makes a private speech public and what is the etiquette when someone needs help with something and you can help, but you are not the intended receiver of the utterance? Some might find it strange but my thoughts tend to wander about the lives of people I see for a few minutes. Might I have ever been sitting next to a literary genius or musical prodigy without ever even having known it? We are so detached from our surrounding that we often do not even have time to think about our familiars let alone strangers.

Valentine’s day

Many people think that Valentine’s day is a commercial holiday. Well, of course, everything is commercial nowadays. Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s day. But what a day represents does not have to be negative because it is commercial. Valentines day, in my opinion, should serve simply as a reminder to cherish the people we love. Flowers can represent the importance of small gestures to show someone you care. People should not compare their gifts to other people’s but rather they should be happy that this is a day in which love reigns. People who are single/widowed/separated do not need to hate this holiday. We all have someone who cares about us and who we care about. This is not a day simply for cheesy comments and balloons and over-expensive dinners and gifts. Valentine’s day can be special if we all just spread the love, give a compliment and tell the people who are most important to us how much we care.
I hope you all have a great day. 😀