The Azure Window

I had been holding on for you,
To please your discerning eye.
In the middle of the blue,
Of the sea and of the sky.
Thousands stared and admired,
not that I was keeping score,
but then many aspired,
to try and do even more.
You abused me, trampled me,
As your race tends to do.
You made it harder to hold on,
all to see a nice view.
I intended to be here longer,
and if man had not intruded,
I might have been stronger,
and my story not have been concluded.
But the blues finally got to me,
And I succumbed to my fate.
I hope all who’d wished to had seen me,
for now it is too late. – Claire

Meeting a genius

As I caught the bus yesterday I could not help but notice how multi-sensory the experience was. It almost made me laugh as I thought about it on the way back home. The feel of the different textured seat, the multitude of smells, the noise. As I caught my first bus I could not help notice that one man came up with an unbearable smell which filled the entire vehicle. Besides being completely disgusted I could not help wondering about his life. What led him to that situation that day. I studied his clothes, which made me think he must have just come back from work, I studied his posture – he did not seem in any way debilitated, he did speak quite loudly even to himself at times but he did not seem like there was any reason why he should be lacking basic hygiene. I understand coming back from work one might not smell of roses and daisies but this smell was unlike anything I had ever smelt. In fact, just as I was about to go down as I could not take being in this putrid hotbox any longer, a dispatcher came up and opened the windows. I have never been so relieved to see a dispatcher. I almost felt bad about the person and my thoughts kept going back to him, wondering whether he had nobody to tell him that he needed to shower, whether he was feeling depressed and did not care… A couple of people got on, I heard their conversations. One was angry that her husband had not taken her to hospital that day and the other was complaining that her husband would never take her as he never does anything but sleep and eat. A young woman looking puzzled, was wondering loudly with her friend which bus they needed to catch to go to Tarxien, and when the other did not know, I decided to reply and smiled. They looked at me like I was insane. I felt like I was eavesdropping, it felt wrong, but truly, at what point does a conversation stop being private? What volume level makes a private speech public and what is the etiquette when someone needs help with something and you can help, but you are not the intended receiver of the utterance? Some might find it strange but my thoughts tend to wander about the lives of people I see for a few minutes. Might I have ever been sitting next to a literary genius or musical prodigy without ever even having known it? We are so detached from our surrounding that we often do not even have time to think about our familiars let alone strangers.

Valentine’s day

Many people think that Valentine’s day is a commercial holiday. Well, of course, everything is commercial nowadays. Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s day. But what a day represents does not have to be negative because it is commercial. Valentines day, in my opinion, should serve simply as a reminder to cherish the people we love. Flowers can represent the importance of small gestures to show someone you care. People should not compare their gifts to other people’s but rather they should be happy that this is a day in which love reigns. People who are single/widowed/separated do not need to hate this holiday. We all have someone who cares about us and who we care about. This is not a day simply for cheesy comments and balloons and over-expensive dinners and gifts. Valentine’s day can be special if we all just spread the love, give a compliment and tell the people who are most important to us how much we care.
I hope you all have a great day. 😀

Compli @ Ance

It struck her like that hot, humid breeze in summer, half a relief, half a disappointment. For in the heat which one could expect in the city of Ance,  a breeze was the only relief from the stagnant air and putrid smell which she could never really identify. But that hot, sticky breeze was almost a taunt, a reminder that even in the best condition Ance was not the place for her. But today it was not a taunt, today it was a push in what would certainly be the right direction. She closed the door behind her, leaving all her memories and troubles inside. Walking the five blocks to the bus stop she could not help wondering though, what was waiting for her outside the border of Ance. All her family had been born and raised in this part of Ance, and though she now had nobody to suffer through Ance for, she was scared that their faces would fade as she got further away from the confines of the city. She narrowly missed the five o’ clock bus and had to wait another thirty minutes for the next one. She was half surprised to see that the bus arrived packed full of people, yes it was rush hour, but even then there was usually nobody going down at this bus stop. It was the southernmost part of Ance where people usually got on, but rarely off. The bus stops in Ance were all a few miles apart and many people took the taxi. “Leaving Compli, please sit down,” the driver announced, and everybody sat down quietly. Only the three teenage boys at the back half-argued that they would sit when they were “good and ready”. She smirked, she already knew where they would be stopping. She took out her book, wanting to look smart and busy, not wanting to be noticed, wanting to blend in. “Approaching Accord, please remember not to leave any personal items behind,” droned the bus driver. That must be tiring, she wondered, why don’t they have a system like she had read about in her novels? Five people went down in Accord and one middle aged man got in. He was wearing an expensive suit shouting into a phone, he threw fifty dollars at the driver and when the driver said he didn’t have enough change, he stopped yelling in the phone and started arguing with the driver that he should be better prepared. Three stops later the teenage boys got down at the bus stop Defi, just as she had suspected. She envied them, she wanted to go down there, but she would not have a chance there, it was not her type of neighbourhood and her parents had always told her that she should never get down at that stop. If it were up to them, she ould never leave Compli, except when she stopped at Vigil for safety classes and Eleg for her prom dress. She had always wondered if she would be able to fend for herself in other parts of Ance, places where nobody she knew ever went. As they left the south of Ance and started moving toward the area in Ance which had people with the largest houses and most debts. One friend had said she would stop to see her aunt who lived close to the Arog stop once but when she came back she was not quite the same. She was glad that they were almost at that stop now though as she could see the middle aged man in the expensive suit getting up to leave. She felt herself breathe a sigh of relief, she could not seem to deal with these kinds of people. As she got more and more tired, she stopped noticing the people coming on and going off the bus as they passed stop after stop, Nius, Repugn, Ignor, and the such. The silence must have alerted her to her surroundings as she looked around noticing that she was the only one on the bus. “Going all the way to the end?” the driver asked. “Sure,” she answered “just wake me up when we get there.” As she closed her eyes she heard him chuckle, she did not have the energy to open her eyes again to ask why. She was not hopeful, she was not cynical, she was just there, on a bus, waiting to get to her stop.

When you find a poem from a while back

So I was browsing through my stuff a few minutes ago and found a poem I had written quite a while back. This was when I was quite young so it isn’t really refined poetry more than it is an overflow of emotions written down by a younger version of me haha.

In the darkness, In the light,
Memories of us intertwined.
I think of when you’ll be in my sight,
When I’ll feel your arms holding me tight.
The thought of losing you I cannot bear,
And although I know that you are unaware,
I will forever think of you, forever care.
Better to have loved and lost, they say,
Than never to have loved at all.
Not loving you would have been not living,
And losing you I will fall back,
Back into the darkness of solitude,
Waiting for he who does not wait,
For I cant bear being alone,
And without you there is no hope,
For nobody can replace you
Nobody ever will and I can’t cope,
A life without you, my friend, my partner, my love.